Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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