I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
