he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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