i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
