I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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