Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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