a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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