broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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