I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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