She is in my trunk
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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