Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
