Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
