32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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