If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
