We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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