Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
