I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
50% drunk capacity currently
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
