could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
