woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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