i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
