guys are only as good as the porn they watch
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
