so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
