She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
