allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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