I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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