plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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