I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't turn off my feet"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
