He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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