Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
