i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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