the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
