hotel room ftw
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
