Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
