? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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