distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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