My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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