This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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