No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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