At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
