Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
