He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
