Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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