Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
