if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
