You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
