Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
