I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
