Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
