names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
