I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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