So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
