I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
