VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
