In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
