I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
