he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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